


Through the smoke and fake lights

by zicovian



Series: Dan and Phil drabbles [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2012 Dan - Freeform, 2012 sadness, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Sad, video mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-06-07 03:51:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6784015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zicovian/pseuds/zicovian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>2012 was a year Dan regretted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Through the smoke and fake lights

**Author's Note:**

> Please listen to this song for effect:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjmpE9hpkRY

**You fake a smile and bat your eyes**

**Pretend it’s easy breaking ties**

**But no matter what you say**

**You can’t hide what you’re feeling**

 

 

Dan was on his laptop. He was due a Younow show in less the five minutes. In all honestly, he was terrified. He was terrified what the fans would say, how they would react to the video. 

"Dan?" Phil calls from the door that led into Dan's bedroom.

Dan put on a smile he knew Phil knew to be fake but he didn't care  at this point. Nothing mattered. "Yes Phil?"

Phil flinched slightly at the cold reply that Dan gave him, but Dan pretended to not notice.

"I-I... you know what never mind. It wasn't important anyway," Phil said smiling slightly and leaving the room.  Dan let his smile fall once he was gone and he felt his chest hurt. He can't pretend things are fine between them, but he can damn well try anyway.

**Time after time you still do it**  
**And everyone else can see through it**  
**It’s the crutch that you hold to**  
**It’s the thing that you won’t do**

 

Dan was well into his Younow show and it was going relatively well until a question poped up that made his happy smile drop.

"Is Phan real? I'm so confused. Is that video real" Dan read out. 

he let out a sarcastic laugh.

"Look, it was a joke. A joke for the shippers. But Phil thought it was too mean and never put it up. I guess he forgot to delete it or something but its fake. Everything in that v-video is fake," Dan stammered at the end. He was trying so damn hard to convince himself and the fans that it was fake. That it wasn't real. He needed it to be fake so he can laugh about it and say "Haha got you good right?"

That wasn't the case though because everything was horribly true. 

"Where is Phil?" Another question asked.

"Damn it. We aren't joined by the hip you know? We are our own people. " Dan said anger slowly bubbling in his chest. Why did he have to answer their questions. They weren't his priority. They always asked for Phil and wondered where he was but they never asked him how he was feeling. 

 

**Through the smoke and fake lights you search for another**  
**Wasting all your time on these one night lovers**  
**Still can’t figure how you hurt yourself again, again**

 

They had broken up.  Well, it was more like Phil had decided it was the best thing for them and Dan had only merely agreed to him. At least that stopped all the horrible arguments they've been having. Dan can finally have peace. But that wasn't the case for his thoughts in his head. They were nagging at him, to talk to Phil and tell him  everything was wrong and he was sorry. But he didn't and instead he went out. He wanted to forget. To forget that all of this happened and to find another person to be wrapped up with. At this point he didn't care if they were male or not, just so he had someone to help him forget would be fine. 

Anyone that wasn't Phil would do  _just_ fine. 

Dan came home late that night, tear stains on his face and his neck purple with love bites. He felt dirty and used and he didn't understand why this was happening. Why he was allowing himself to be hurt time and time again. Allowing Phil to be hurt time and time again. It wasn't fair.

 

**Yeah, I could show you love**  
**I can give you my time**  
**You can wander in the dark**  
**Or we could make things right**  
**But you keep turning away and wonder why you never win, again**

 

Phil finally opened the door to Dan's room. It had been two months since they've had a breakup and Dan had come back home from day out with PJ. It was the only way he knew Dan was okay.   
  


"Dan.. we need to talk," Phil said quietly walking into the room uninvited. 

Dan sighed and didn't look up from his desk. 

"There is nothing to talk about Phil. We aren't together anymore. "  
  
"That's exactly what I want to talk about. Why has this happened Dan? Why are we wandering around in the dark when we can be trying to make things right? Why are we hurting eachother. Why are you wasting our time on one night lovers when I'm right here?" Phil asked, clearly hurt by Dan but Dan didn't care. He Just didn't care anymore.

Or at least he liked to think so. 

 

 

**You tell yourself it’s worth your while**  
**And spend your days in such denial**  
**Cause the love that you're giving**  
**Ain’t the same that you’re getting**

 

 

 

Everything is fine. Everything is fine. EVERYTHING IS FINE! 

Dan kept repeating this mantra in his head. He knew Phil loved him and honestly, he still loved Phil too. He loved Phil so much but he was terrified. Terrified of loving Phil, of giving him all of himself. What was there to give? They had been together for years prior to this.  Why was it so had to talk to Phi about things like this. It should be easy for them to sort out their arguments, they've always done it. They've always sorted out their arguments quickly.

It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair. 

 

 

 


End file.
